A Self-Reflexive Anthem
A warning before I go awesome hardcore
The refinedest among you might find me a bore
If you're looking for a rhyming, syllabic Foucault
Or a Machiavellian commentary on the war
No, my rhymes are carnal, but I'm sure my charm'll
Diffuse the tension of group dissention
While garnering interest in a thundering sinfest
In the basest humors under your bloomers
I'm the MC called Copulation
It should be obvious that boning's my station
I'm alone every weekend, which breeds gestation
Of tales of debauchery sans frustration
I'm the number-one bomb
Don't tell your mom
Screaming my name like as if it was Khan
I don't got a problem with you touching my butt
But I got a problem with you not touching my butt
MC Copulation
Boning is his game
MC Copulation
You love him all the same
I'm not gonna stop, get off of the cot
Get you in my sights and then aim for your mop
What do I look like, an ejaculabot
Programmed to climax in Mandelbrot?
My affection does not come in clots
And I'll give you my word before I take off my top
Consensuality? Hot
Troll-guy mentality? Not
Lady, my lexicon's bigger than Venus
My affection the sweetest, my ire the meanest
I deal in opposites; there'll be no treatise
I bet you thought I was gonna say "penis"
I'm the rock of ages, the rage of mages
My little black book has got, like, three pages
So in the event that you sassy my britches
I'll have your anatomy steamed at the stitches
MC Copulation
He's a chariot of fire
MC Copulation
He's the one the dudes admire
Sex (On My Trampoline)
There's a paucity in achieved velocity
In terms of all things done, um, well, saucily
Allow me to be your Lewis or Clark
Like that time in the back of the municipal park
We'd have a firm rapport as a humpical duo
Our bedroom scenes done in chiaroscuro
There's no question of my radicaltude
Let me take you off of sabbatical, dude
'Cause #1: I am the best at this
And #2: You are the next for this
So get on up and don't bruise your wrist
#3: Achieve velocity
And #4: Just jump on top of me
Because the Board awards more for audacity
Sex
Parentheses
On my trampoline
End parentheses
Under that loaner brassiere you're a moaner
("Captain! Approaching warp speed Boner!")
My prime directive concerning your wookie:
I go down first because I'm not the rookie
But this situation calls for dynamic
Alpha Beta stamina; Tri-Lamb dick
It's the yard-high club and you're a frequent flyer
And I hope you come in appropriate attire
'Cause #1: I am the best at this
And #2: You are the next for this
So get on up and don't bruise your wrist
#3: Achieve velocity
And #4: Just jump on top of me
Because the Board awards more for audacity
Sex
Parentheses
On my trampoline
End parentheses
(end on nine-part harmony)
Dinner At My Place
1 potato, 2 potato, 3 potato, 4
MC Copulation with the crock pot, knocking on your door
Baby, are you home?
"Let me guess: You want to bone"
Maybe later, but first, get off the telephone and have a scone
I'm a sous chef from Reno, gonna stuff a halapeeno
Girl, you got more lipstick on than Brian Eno
What should we drink? Let me check the LCD
How about this chablis with a fleur-de-lys?
"Now I gotta pee!"
Take your time, I gotta steam some buns
Gonna make an appetizer sweeter than your own plums
Poppin' out a clove of garlic with my two thumbs --
What a conundrum! I forgot the dim sum
Get your food on, have some udon
I'll make a deep-fried batter that you can put your boob on
Call a friend, we can make a Cajun trinity
You can stir the swizzle stick and mix all the gin in me
With one hand I'm taking off your bra
With the other I'm dishing caviar
Let me know if the wine I poured's too strong
Oops! I just snapped your thong
Baby, do you like the dinner I made?
Arch your back while I pour the marmalade
You're so fuckin' fine when you're naked that it hurts
Don't worry! There's tubesteak for dessert
How bout a little nibble of my zweiback?
Don't cock-block the wok, I'm simmering some vegetable stock
Your old boyfriend, tell me, did he bake for you?
Make you a Sioux stew, then corkscrew you into Xanadu?
Or was it, "Rock the Hot Pocket, not the oven,
now how bout some lovin'? Hand me that convenience-store muffin?"
Yo, cooking is class; holding a wineglass under an underpass
Will never amass the fine ass
Pinky out when I pour vegetable oil
Preheat my boner to a roiling boil, then cover it in tinfoil
So wet I'm gonna hydroplane holding your mane
Pouring champagne on your ane
Oh snap, your falafel wrap! -- Well, you don't give a crap
I read your thighs like a weather map
Is it the stove, or is it hot in hurr?
I'm gonna shoot off like Aaron Burr, right thurr
With one hand I'm taking off your bra
With the other I'm dishing caviar
Let me know if the wine I poured's too strong
Oops! I just snapped your thong
Baby, do you like the dinner I made?
Arch your back while I pour the marmalade
You're so fuckin' fine when you're naked that it hurts
Don't worry! There's tubesteak for dessert
Baby you're the craver of my savory gravy flavor
If you keep up that behavior then we'll wake up all the neighbors
Beating Run Saber on my emulator
Gonna make a sex crater in the dumbwaiter
"Did you sign a waiver?"
My broth's bubbling, I'm braising your butt
Got some black bean buffalo wings with some chuuuuut
ney sauce -- oops; that a faux pas? well this ain't
Mardi Gras; flash your chest for some harissa
Salsa con queso with tortilla chips
Give your boyfriend the slip
When I dip, you dip, we dip
Do it on the microwave, your heel kicks reheat
Watching Pete and Pete, pouring syrup like concrete
I'll take you to a restaurant
"Can I get you a seat?"
Let me get a fois gras but baby hold my meat
And I'll buy everyone here a round of potable libation
"Forget the queen! God save MC Copulation!"
With one hand I'm taking off your bra
With the other I'm dishing caviar
Let me know if the wine I poured's too strong
Oops! I just snapped your thong
Baby, do you like the dinner I made?
Arch your back while I pour the marmalade
You're so fuckin' fine when you're naked that it hurts
Don't worry! There's tubesteak for dessert
I Fucked A Computer
LOAD "SEX RAP",8,1
Stuff my right-inch into your 1541
I'm done with girls made of meat and skin
Gonna find a computer and plug it in
When you're made of skin or aluminum
I grab my lambskin, you're like a theremin
Making noise like oscillation on a sine
I boned you through the grapevine
Take your pants off -- wait, you don't have pants
You're a machine
I'm living every nerd's secret wet dream
Mod the box in tubesocks; your CPU rocks
Harder than ten cocks or the walls of Fort Knox
Run rox and view your filetree
Look, a picture of me dressed scantily
cp /home/me then cd into the sex directory
Rub your case up the side
Parallel port so wide
Touch your USB drive
Gonna make you come alive like Johnny 5
My bootloader is large
My hard disk is in charge
From Woody to Sarge
Upgrading my kernel, I'm no-holds-barred
Overclocking the beat
While I'm stroking my meat
And you're feeling the heat
Turn your case fans off so we can be discreet
I'm turning the screw
Your apple turns blue
I'm fucking a computer and you wish it was you
Upload The Joy of Sex on .pdf
A HREF
Linking to your female connector
Tickling your read sector
Raster or vector diagrams
Of where to fit your diaphragm
I'll shift your bits
If you call me Luke Skywalker
You're the opposite of a pop-up blocker
Flash my BIOS, kernel panic when I start to get
Iambic on your user script
Thermal-pasting up your video chip
Putting down a tarp so my sweat don't drip
Yo, I know how to pole you
Gonna make you feel it in your molars
Won't mistake your CD-ROM tray for a cup holder
I don't pronounce solder like "solder"
I think I'm about to get a little bit bolder
Rub your case up the side
Parallel port so wide
Touch your USB drive
Gonna make you come alive like Johnny 5
My bootloader is large
My hard disk is in charge
From Woody to Sarge
Upgrading my kernel, I'm no-holds-barred
Overclocking the beat
While I'm stroking my meat
And you're feeling the heat
Turn your case fans off so we can be discreet
I'm turning the screw
Your apple turns blue
I'm fucking a computer and you wish it was you
Well, I guess your sex is gonna come for free
Cause you're licensed underneath a CC
And that works for me, cause you're a double-D
Let's hook our hard drives together with IDE
In a RAID array you pay to play
I'm rocking you faster than a Cray
You don't know what to say, except
Hey now, what's your .sig
A menage-a-troix with Lawrence Lessig
Do the Eiffel Tower, it's like he got a third leg
Open up your ports, we don't want to beg
Like a tourist in Gehennom I don't pack a lot of venom
Just some Magnum packs and some side-piped denim
It's truth, with vermouth and Bluetooth
Connect to Ruth in a Duluth tollbooth
Gonna stick my dick in your Firewire port
Error: Retry, Fail, Abort?
Rub your case up the side
Parallel port so wide
Touch your USB drive
Gonna make you come alive like Johnny 5
My bootloader is large
My hard disk is in charge
From Woody to Sarge
Upgrading my kernel, I'm no-holds-barred
Overclocking the beat
While I'm stroking my meat
And you're feeling the heat
Turn your case fans off so we can be discreet
I'm turning the screw
Your apple turns blue
I'm fucking a computer and you wish it was you